Our company has a two hot drinks vending machines, one downstairs and one upstairs. Until recently both machines were of different makes and model to each other and the menus of three-digit codes that you required to key in to select your drink preference were entirely different. This meant that an extra strong cappuccinno without sugar downstairs was a 742 and upstairs it was 324 or something (guess which floor I happen to work on?). But recently the machine downstairs was replaced by one of the same model as we have upstairs and now, although we have vending machine menu harmonization, it's forcing me to relearn a new set of menu codes.

And it got me to thinking that, really, a strong cappuccinno or a black decaf with extra sugar coffee should be the same menu number across all drink vending machines, not just on like machines.

Therefore I propose a regulatory and standards body that, first of all, and after a detailed consultation process, should agree a definition and numbering system that universally denotes each variation of vending machine drink preference and then ensures that all drinks vending machine manufacturers recode their menus in accordance with the new definitions.

Eventually, an extra milky, extra sugar decaf latte will always be number 283 regardless of which make and model of vending machine and therefore you'll never have to undertake this whole 'thick' description nonsense every time someone asks you if you'd like a coffee and, if so, how you take it. Regardless of where you were in the world you'd just have to ask for 'a 283' and your colleague or host would know exactly what you want, no complex explanations and no menu code transposition required.

I've done some quick sums in my head and on the basis of average volumes of coffee drunk in a day and rough global workforce populations I reckon that about 3,304,993 man days p.a. could be saved by adopting a set of global vending machine standards. I rest my case.

Time for an 831.