Bad Metaphors I : Bacterial Marketing

They (whoever they happen to be, you know, the secret government people who control everything behind the scenes) should rebrand all forms of SPAM and unsolicited marketing to 'Bacterial Marketing', as opposed to Viral Marketing which is generally speaking, a force for good.

Viral Marketing cannot be treated easily with antibiotics (anti-spam techniques) and viral marketing devices are more communicable than those employed by bacterial marketers, passing more easily between hosts in relatively close contact with each other.

Spammers (bacterial marketers) are always evolving new methods of overcoming anti-spam techniques and this could also be argued to be following the same tracks as so-called bacterial super-bugs. This is actually quite alarming as if it's fair to run these in parallel, one day we'll see technology counter-measure immune superbug marketing ploys which will be very difficult to actively treat.

All spammers long for the day that they develop a viral campaign but, fortunately for us thus far, none of them have acheived this goal. On the other hand, viral marketers whilst being michevious and sometimes naughty, invest more effort and genius creativity in their endeavours.

Chip & PIN

In 2005 (barely a fortnight away - eek!) all UK banks are moving credit and debit cards to a Chip & PIN system which relies upon card owners keying in their secret four digit PIN number at every retail outlet or store in the land, placing the onus for security upon the customer's retention (and protection) of their secret PIN number - and the store's security systems - rather than replying upon visually matching handwritten signatures.

When I first heard about this I was immediately wary of the prospect of repeatedly keying my PIN number into barely obscured keypads at busy shop checkouts which, in my opinion, considerably heightens the chances of someone standing nearby (probably unshaven and wearing a black and white striped top) actually seeing your simple number, following you outside and bonking you on the head outside the store, pinching your card whilst little birds fly circles around your head, and duly emptying your bank account at the conveniently placed cash machine situated outside most superstores these days.

I heard over the weekend that a renowned security systems expert has now come out to say that Chip and PIN is fundamentally flawed for precisely this reason.

"Serious doubts about the safety of new chip and pin cards were raised yesterday when a leading security expert said they were "fundamentally flawed".

Prof Ross Anderson, an authority on security engineering at Cambridge University, said he was so worried about the system, which was designed to combat fraud, that he refused to use it at supermarkets.

A warning was also issued by the National Consumer Council. It said that chip and pin could leave shoppers vulnerable to pickpockets and cash machine theft.

A card owner may type his or her pin four or five times during a day's shopping, giving snoopers plenty of opportunity to memorise the number, steal the card and head for a cash machine." Daily Telegraph 18th Dec

Doh! Like, they just worked that out!

I think the whole venture is secretly being sponsorsed by online retailers in a bid to switch people off high street shopping altogether.

Perhaps we'll soon see scare stories emerging about how insecure offline shopping is compared with online, quite a contrast from a couple of years ago.

The Innovators Lobotomy

I've switched off comments until I work out how to convince comment spammers that sexual self-sufficiency is no great qualification in this life. Or the hereafter.

That is all, other than to say that I notice that my past blogging prolificity continues to fade with the half life of depleted unranium only to have been replaced with the kind of mono-syllabic stream of unconciousness hooey that attempts, and fails, to pass itself off as 'content' to coin a rather uncool label.

In other words, I appear to have turned into quite a boring old f**ker, eternally tongue tied and lobotomised like those drooling fur-clad souls in The Planet of the Apes, original flavour. The source of my literary dysfunction is hard to pinpoint other than to approximate its cause at the door of my ever closing audience of friends and associates with whom I have something of a problem in sharing my more intimate and personal thoughts.

I can share intimate stupidities with strangers who live eight thousand miles away for there's nary a chance I'll actually bump into them at the coffee machine the following day whereupon I may be forced to account for my output. And, ironcially, a pseudonym solution feels too much like defeat for personal freedom of expression and therefore what happens is subconcious self-censorship induced verbal constipation.

Which sounds like a great name for a weblog.